Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
