You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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