I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
