So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
