just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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