ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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