chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
