I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
