i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
