We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
