I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
