dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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