i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
