Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
