The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
