that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So many bounce houses so little time
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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