i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think my vagina is haunted
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
