So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
