Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize