Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
