Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
