There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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