I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize