you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
