No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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