It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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