Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
