also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
