when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
