I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
