I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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