Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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