i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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