i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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