K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
