I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
