gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
