why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
