You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
