you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
