it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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