I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
