Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
