omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
