I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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