I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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