And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
