There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
