How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
