Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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