I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
