My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
