how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
