oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
