Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
