I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
