He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My vagina just clenched in fear
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