i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
