so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
