if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
