Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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