You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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