grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
