u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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