i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
