my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I deserve this hangover.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
