If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
