Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
smell my finger.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
