There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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