The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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