help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
